distraction as seen by a man wanting a drink

the other night i scratched my nose off
i pulled that fucker right off my face
caught it in a hang nail
and shook it down to the ground
it missed the floor and hung from the mahogany precipice of a coffee table
that i never used for coffee
or as a table for that matter
the little glass mirrored squares inside it's wooden frame
allowed me a gaze deep into my mind
i thought for sure
would have bet my balls on it
that i could crawl into my own damn skull
what would i have accomplished if i had
what would i gain if i did
i tried
to fold and climb and claw my way in
like a speed freak going through the oragami rituals of yoga
bending contorting twisting and stretching
to no avail
nothing ever gets accomplished if you try that hard
nothing gets done
but if nothing is completed
then just maybe something has
the grey white pink pulp pulsating beneath the frame of my skull
really trying it;s hardest to think of how i could crawl in with it
make it warm
warm me up
it would all be the same
for it was my brain
my mind
my space upstairs
but it could not be done
my nose fell down to the rug
caught up in carpet bits
fuzz
hair
a crumb or two that had become vacuum refugees
coating up that bloody slithering stump of an appendage
like a friggin sprinkled cruller
it made me think of coffee
indeed it had distracted me from the proposed journey at hand
coffee sounded good
but the blood had seemed to stop spouting out
out of that gouge
that gorge
that bloody cave in the front of my face
and that ended it all
proving that you can never be inside your mind
or at least not long enough to survive

freeze dreams

what happened to monkey bars
arts and crafts
i want popsicle stick picture frames
what happened to the excitement of flying back and forth
from mommy
to daddy
oh yeah that was dysfunctional
what happened to wet nights
in hot cars
with girls who will never remember
what happened to bent nights
lsd and wooded dreams
writing benders
speeded up nights of delusion
naked beer pinatas of lust in a shower
dreams of a first marriage that was suppossed to be a marriage
what happened to family
what happened to friends that were suppossed to be family
what happened to me
to you
to me
to us
to me
to everyone
it all ended up being the remnants of milk
in the bottom of a glass
meant to refresh the unquenched thirst
of a five a.m. nightmare
that i have not woke up from
sleep paralysis sucks

where have you gone 610 jones?

you used to sleep in a car
your sycophants were little boys
looking for the perfect mushroom tea recipe
their eyes would light up when they spoke of you
your ears would bleed if they reacted to all the chatty kathys
a regular sewing circle about your
history
stature
statements
language
clothes
stories
and of course chemistry
and now you have left it behind
i can not find you
i can not reach you
i have never felt like one of the accepted kathys
and now i ask
god
oh god
where have you gone

appreciation

i used to write little pretty poems
to pretty little girls
all about my pretty little loves
which in turn became
poems of hate
clad in depravity and desperation
which led to poems all dressed in leather
some psuedo sickness of the sexualized twenty first century
yet here i sit
still trying to push and pump them out
to a crowd that does not read them
can not see them
would care less if they could
i think i do it for me
but there must be something else
it doesn't clear my head
or make more precise my thoughts
there are no smiles
no laughs
no frowns or cries
just simple words
from a simple man
who no matter how simple it gets
can still not be understood
at least to my liking

happy hour

fingernail scrapings in a eurethene skin
meant to protect the bar it once glistened on
dirty nails scraping names
initials
and dates
the etchings finding solice
behind dark sunken eyes
tired of life
tired of drinking
tired
just plain ol' damn tired
can men find there way away
will the women stop hiking their skirts up for those men
or
will the women start carving their effigees
and the men start wearing skirts
no pink cup here
i drink not from the pansy glass
knock 'em back hard
knock 'em up fast
make em cry
for my tears have been shed
too many times
wrap 'em up with bows and ribbons
put em under a tree
a twenty four inch tree
sitting on a bar

was it a dear john or dear jan or maybe just deer

tiny little minds
of gold and silver gilding
all seen through
a scene of everyone and you
without all of me
none of you will ever come back
all because of me
or so they say
mirrors can be the hardest things to look into
they are not the cloudy milky
crystal balls we all want them to be
we rather just see through our own
balls
if we have them
i can't even see through my own damn glasses
scratched and etched with each
passing of all that could ever be bad
a glimmer of good
found in the eyes of my woman
looking through them too
to catch my eyes
big brown
and courderoy
my irisis'
clutch my pupils tight
tight enough to still see her
and to tell the rest of you plainly
"please fuck off"

6th grade revolution

someone help the little boy
locks of greasy dependance stuck
down upon his forehead
clothes in shambles
torn here and there
not one damn smile found amongst the frowns of disgust
judging him day to day
telling him with their eyes
no good
too fat
stench of death and neglect
nothing to offer
never have a smile
from anyone including himself
left behind
like the tabs of paper scrap spooned in the curves of the spiral binding
of a notebook who's paper leafs have been recruited away into productive bliss
pulled out
picked at
strewn about the madman's desk
left in long forgotten ink wells of absurd existance
never even collected for discard
by the fragile little girl
who's glasses are too big
mocking her gentle cheek bones
with overbearing assistance
she still can not see
the paper shrapnel
the fat little smelly boy
who sits in his sullen waste
singing
lean on me

ymca would have helped

stubbed toes on quarry roads
swimming in the night
moon above
mocking and jesting
never being able to be touched
water
embryonic
to some just water to others
floats one above
where no on ewants to go
down down down
to depths
to fathoms
to darkness
to the cold cold
suffocation
of never having learned to swim

insomniac paranoia

sometimes ...
things feel good
sweat drips from your forhead
people speak louder than you would like
tears cloud vision
erections happen at unopportune times
smiles turn to frowns
or then turn to smiles again
people observe the obvious
words scribed should never have been written
vomit does not make it in the bowl
needles bruise the skin
warts turn out to be more then warts
noses clog and run at the same time
throats swell to levels of insanity
crotches moisten more than just panties
breasts deflate
careers end
lifetimes begin
feminists speak out
men shut their mouths
genitals are not what we expect them to be
sales end the day before we make our purchases
and sometimes,
just sometimes ...
we sleep just fine with only good dreams and consistant body temperatures
leaving us refreshed and somewhat
pleasant

simple truth of comfortability

my cat lay snoring
in all her glorious splendor
fat
retarded
snoring
i have my own blue collar working husband
but with
a tail
and a litter box
and a food bowl
wait there are no differances
and we all need blue collar husbands

your mother should know

i walked down the
road i once knew
when i was younger
the leaves were changed from the lies my mind had made them
differant the the fences that were lied to me before
i had made them what they were not
they had not changed
only my perception
of what they were had
become the truth
that they always were
sometimes the leaves fall in all the same places
they are always
red
yellow
brown
they always die
into the places
that they always will again
and
again
truth is funny like that

the way you think it should have been if you would and could

the corner of a desk
the right place to smack one's head
hard
the right place
hard
smack it
hard
bleed all over one's optimism
hard
the blunt corner breaks apart the epidermal safety
hard
hard hard
but make sure your
love
is made
ever so
soft
what a friggin lie

it goes a little something like this

big rough hands
cold nights in providence
language that makes no sense
smiles through snow flakes
teetering on fence posts
looking forward to the other side
not once looking back
until the flakes hit your shoulders
big rough hands

nickels aren't just for unicef anymore

looking down and seeing your own cheeks
looking down not seeing your own groin
constantly winded
waiting for death to take your last one
hoping for it in fact
eating ones self to death
a twist of cannabilism to say the least
save a minute
wait
save just a second
hope that no one here has a watch
so you can watch
it all go down
and hope it does not happen to you
but rather the other guy
now that is the american way
and there is nothing united about it

confessional

anger can not contain it
i know, i know
anger anger
jeesh
i wish you would stop it
flowers
pansies
tulips
fuck those ho's
damn!
why not me
why not them
me
answers are easy
god damn infantile emotional response disease
god bless larry david
and donald regean
in the same breath
does that make sense
i thought not
but it is not a question of me
but rather them
save me
save me
take me home to the country roads
of new hampshire
of maine
christ, even vermont
and punctuation,
this time,
is
on my side
amen

the worth of advice

been so long i can't even set font and color and code
in the right damn order
when the simmer starts the boil is right around the corner
just make egg salad
you'll see it all in the first 10 minutes
yeah thats righ 10 not ten
and
i am
not even sure why i mentioned that
not sure why i mention most things
play dumb
no politics
no religion
in general no opinion at all
when talking to a dumb ass button your lip twice
do not ask for sympathy
or congradulations
don't expect sex
and never expect that you won't have sex either
write things down
then burn them so no one knows what you have written
you'll at least feel better
i spit on feeling better
i spit on everyone
who has made me feel worse
made me feel better
as if they could "make" me feel anything
other than i would want myself
right from the get go mutha fucker
take my riches
take my talent
take my smiles
take my advice
as long as you leave my lady
you will have taken nothing

been so long i can't even set font and color and code
in the right damn order
when the simmer starts the boil is right around the corner
just make egg salad
you'll see it all in the first 10 minutes
yeah thats righ 10 not ten
and
i am
not even sure why i mentioned that
not sure why i mention most things
play dumb
no politics
no religion
in general no opinion at all
when talking to a dumb ass button your lip twice
do not ask for sympathy
or congradulations
don't expect sex
and never expect that you won't have sex either
write things down
then burn them so no one knows what you have written
you'll at least feel better
i spit on feeling better
i spit on everyone
who has made me feel worse
made me feel better
as if they could "make" me feel anything
other than i would want myself
right from the get go mutha fucker
take my riches
take my talent
take my smiles
take my advice
as long as you leave my lady
you will have taken nothing

what love once was and could be for some

silly little sun dresses
worn when there is no sun
and lilly pads skate across melted ponds
lilacs scent the air
burning off nose hair
and the dresses wave and wiggle in the wind
my twead coat rubs the right way
even in airports
where they think i am the terrorist
i tmust have been the elbow patches so thick and dark that i could be a biker
the smow had fell
the ice hardens
and i do not mean hawiian fugitives
but more and rather
single men
confused about where and when they are
skating on ponds in a christmas twilight
god's speed to those who fly
and an our father to those who take too much
bury them with my bukowski collection
even if they have no idea who he is
i still will give them the body and soul of christ
take of the bread and wine
and cry
i do
and it helps me sleep when no one is looking

why when and how

moonlight ceases to shine
sunshine has left the building
the show is over
the bow has been made
no tears
just thrown roses from a crowd
consisting of mothers
cast them all away
dig the holes deep so they can not crawl back up
make mine a sanka
spike it with joy
know that the only freeze dried thing around here is the family of old
how difficult it must be to be surrounded by ones new family
but the happiness to be found
the twenty first century bliss
a new love
an ex wife
a boss
a friend
and finally a father
they all were there before
only now they take breathes with me
deep cleansing breathes
that syphon out the truth
and make me
smile
and yes smiles are important and that is why i mention them all the time!

speeches in athens

do not ask me where i've been
things only get fuzzy then
like the neck of a greek man
sitting above a bay
drinking ouzo
wishing that crete and turkey were still theirs
damning rome to a hell that will never exist
not even in the wet dreams of dante or faust
and then i think things aren't so bad for me
drinking like a sailor and cursing even worse
fucking like a sailor's whore
warmed by sweat and agression and all the other
unmentionable fluids
which would ban me into a land of ratings
a through f
g through xxx
between 1 and 5 stars
some number that is ten or less
everyone needs a rating
a judgement
a ticket to be accepted by a slice of the masses
ouzo makes it leave his mind
he could not care less
why do i?

melding molding matter

i've never been held so close
so tight
that it made me cry
til you came back
i've never cried so hard from being thankfull
from being loved so
goddamned much
you are strong and sane enough for the both of us
when you are not
i miracousley am
with out doubt or question
with grins abound
dressed up in the garb of the moment
emotions flying off like fireworks left as duds
only to blow the fingers off meddling little children the next day
i stand before you
humbled and happy
proud of who i am
who we are
and what lies ahead for what we have become
something amazing
salvatingly strong
the wolf licks his chops
grins like i thought only i could
and he gets no where
you left your red hood in the closet
for another night
when no one is around
when no one cares
but me
us
what we have become
one

theology of an agnostic

taking in the plaids
the ginghams
the houndstooth
something of argyle
something of celtic design
do you really care what we are all wearing
do you really think we care what you are wearing
god sits naked
on a
maroon divan
a sofa, if you will, that is cat scratched to all hell
torn at the seams
in bread bag shoes
he grimaces
at where we are
who we are
what we have become
they used to carve goats and pigs
lick a toad
eat a button
sacrifice the occasional virgin
near a pit of fire and doom
now we just nod and drink a cocktail with too much ice and a funny plastic stir stick
he laughs
we cry
and then we wake up cursing him
hoping he does not exsist

redemption bong

if i only had a green trebuchet
to launch myself back into myself
really relive all that reality
or lack there of
knowing what i am
what i have become
how miserable some things have
been
seemed
gleamed
seamed
the stitching of some sort of miserable
no hugo
no black chick on the mtv
or mtz
with the zoom
and the boom
boom
i shake nothing unless i know it will turn you on
damn it
know that
all the tears
anger
puke
pain
i'll take it all back and relive it in a new york minute
or maybe even less
than a second
or second chance

paul revere my ass!

pausing to let the world spin round
letting the air fill up my soul
breathing so deep it hurts my injured lungs
actually seeing the sodium burn in the street lamps
staring in disbelief, still, that they are shaped like mission bells
ring the bells, ring the bells
get off your big fat ass
and bang that bitch with your hump-o
quasimoto
it's all just so so
when it rhymes
so make it silence now
and exhale all that may trouble a soul as searched as mine
chew the cud
spat the spit
try harder than anyone ever could
always keeping my feet on the ground
and the sodium burning bright

slide some oil to me

when insomnia devours anger
and the same goes back and forth
would you still buy me a tshirt
would you smile and make me smile back
would you ask for more
and really need it
not just want it
but take it all as if you had no choice
could not get anymore
never had it so good
just smile
i do
we do
they don't
and move on down the road
the wiz
is only a movie rental away
and we both love it that way
at least
i know you do

happy trails to you

sometimes warmth is found within
or somewhere else
the best place
within someone,
someone who cares
who smiles back
who laughs when you want to
someone who knows what it is to have warmth
there are others
they wave thier flags high
they speak the loudest
they know they are wrong
they smile the worst,
crooked smiles ever
and attempt to rub your back
they suck
we are all good
we are all ok
and i smile
the most honest grins of all

tuesday mother fucker

claws rip through it all
tearing all carnal existance into nothing
smile
christ, even laugh
know what gets you from day to day
talk about a break down
go to hell
well go to hell to all
lots of double hockey sticks
and lol would be appropriate
but no
it all is cool
smile
do not respond to the thousand selves
know that it is good
smile
and know that smiling is the best
just ...
smile

hatred

when one step can not be taken
when the fear of one persons progress
scares the shit out of everyone else
because honesty holds no barriers
taste it
touch it
lick it up
know that you have what you would not
if the honesty was not there
do not kill me
make me stronger
i know with faith
work
desire
you will all fall down
and i'll know
if you even attempt to read it

reflection

concrete dust in ones lungs
never trusting anyone
or thing
or lust
or act
in combinationof the above
with me on top
you breathing hard
your chest against mine
lips pooched out to a kiss
waiting to receive
waiting to touch slide across each other
slip from lip to lip
no gloss needed
just slippery wet saliva
breath between souls
tongue between desires
never ever
not even once questioning
why
just knowing it is
was
and has always been
us
slicked into
one another
in a pond of nonevaporating existance
of love

first date blind date date done

pale round face shot up to the moon
smiling for no reason
the flesh between her legs
making her glow
not knowing why not
seeing why
just feeling one with everything
everyone
the man inside her glowing
like flies and moths to a light
one glistening sparkle away from death
hoping that the lipstick stays on
hoping that sweat does not make the make-up run
the mascara clump
lungs heave and sway anticipation
leather pants constrict and kill
with current lust maybe the women and men in my mind
will end up in my pants
or maybe
just maybe
i'll fall asleep
with just you to love me

oc morning

would you run to my arms
eyes filled with tears
the red aropund your pupils
the spirit of crimson where crimson does not belong
would flesh meld together if there were no feelings
guitar riffs
grind time into nothing
the wrinkles of ones face
divide age into facets of existance
not just division of
sanity
and lust
laces up those
shoes
one tie
after a other
smile
an lap it up

the unreliability of foreign cabs

when every matrix of life
folds and melts into the same
making one plastic - melted
putrified mess of vision
plasticine prophecy
no one to see
to feel
to taste
or anysuch thing of terror and fear
we can take all the pain
give it to me
give it all to me
in one big slap of death
one big slash of breath
over
done
and then one step of redemption
all of them found in a ball of smiles where they dream of their deaths in little slimey deaths of conformity making it just so ok.

somewhere in griffith park

the purest of all pleasures
are the ones derived from a very simple set of criteria
like the same things
want the same things
always go the uncertain mile of knowledge bereft
respect everyones boundaries
be happy with every
speck
lick
slather and
slither of love on any level
everything is an effort
and a reward if you say so than nipples it is
know that car backseats are still cool
know that hotels just make it dirty no matter the bed per night rate
on your living room floor with a e-bay vhs cassette recorder
taking digital pictures of orifice violations
degradation of sexual prime getting off on sexual second place
more soap
more leather
more silken hair that smells
like silken soft lights of reflection in black
a black from the violent squid's violet purple
that shimmered back into black like old man cash had done and
then there were done
then you find out all of them gone
all of them missing forgetting
all that see dive into sex devour
the flesh get off one and all bind flesh
all to flesh
all through the rain
hath come light

make mine mine not yours

stockings that hold form
wigs that show off your eyes
people who cheer and make you cry
girls who keep secrets not tell them
children who stay on the phone
mothers who notice your developement not focus on theirs
siblings who become people not wwi troops who die in trenches for a cause
fathers you could hug more
lovers who are what you have
dry martinis on a hot humid night
these are what i asked the fat man for
maybe he thought i meant next christmas

do you know my east berlin?

a pusstule of hate
do you know what i feel
in silence it all makes sense
but someone always tends to speak
too loud
too harsh
it all blends into one big enema
flush out
flush in
and back again
will the concrete ever grow roses
will the mothers ever shut up
will the children ever in respect and pride just say thank you?
run my way
and then back again
i will take off my wig just to make you comfortable
happy